one year

One whole year. That's how long it's been since we found out you'd be joining us. But you had started growing weeks before - seven weeks to be exact. I took the test while your dad was at work, just knowing it would be another negative I could toss in the trash. I couldn't be pregnant. Not now. Not after we'd put our plans to start a family on hold while we prepared to move abroad. Not after nearly a year of trying - complete with charts and vitamins and diligently working to be in the best physical shape possible. Not after all those months that ended in disappointment. We'd put our house on the market and found an apartment in Germany. We were ready to leave the U.S. - no strings attached - for two years.

We'd just returned from Europe a few days before. I couldn't fathom the thought (or smell) of the Neuhaus chocolates we'd brought back from Belgium. I was exhausted and nauseous and an emotional basket case. Your dad joked that I was probably pregnant, but I was convinced it was just jet lag. But there I stood, on the cold tile floor in our bathroom on a Monday afternoon, staring down at a stick that revealed a dark blue vertical line. There was no doubt. My heart raced, and I looked in the mirror at someone I didn't recognize - in an instant, I had become a mother. No one can prepare you for that feeling. I went downstairs and sat on the couch for over an hour, but I couldn't even come up with some creative way to share the news. Your dad came in the door, and I just blurted it out. We were shocked, nervous, and so very excited.

One year ago, while you were growing inside of me (and wreaking havoc on my appetite), I could never have imagined what it would be like to have you here. You were worth it all: The waiting and wanting. The weeks of surviving mostly on ginger ale and clementines. The discomforts of pregnancy and the pain and chaos of bringing you into this world. The (still ongoing) sleepless nights and long days fueled by coffee. Every bit of it. Times a million.

One whole year. That's how long it's been since I discovered you existed, but I feel like I've loved you forever. It's hard to remember what life was like before your gummy smile and big blue eyes. You are one great big bundle of sunshine.

Sweet boy - you are more than I ever knew I wanted, and I am eternally grateful and beyond humbled to be your mama. 

xoxoxoxo... 

making a crazy adventure even crazier

Well, we're officially t-minus 48 hours until launch... er, the big move. I've ventured through the many stages of making a big change... from anxiety about leaving my home/friends/family/job to the get-it-done mode absolutely necessary for packing for an international move and now, to excitement for the adventure and unique opportunity that lies ahead. 

If you're wondering about my radio silence for the past several weeks, that's partially due to being busy (20%) and mostly due to my trying to keep the biggest secret of all time (80%). After returning from our trip to Europe in the spring, I developed a sudden and severe aversion to all of the wonderful Belgian chocolate that we had brought home. After a week of crazy food aversions, 8 p.m. bedtimes, and the inability to do much more than lay on the couch eating crackers, we decided something was surely wrong, and lo and behold, we found out that I was pregnant. That's right, we're having a baby AND moving to Germany!

Here are the answers to a few of our most common questions:

So you're having the baby in Germany, right? Because then it'll have dual citizenship and that will be awesome!

Unfortunately/fortunately - depending on how you look at - little baby G is going to be American born. I'll be returning to the U.S. in September to photograph my fall weddings, joined by Josh in early November to welcome our little one, and staying through the beginning of 2016 when all three of us can return to Europe together.

Where are you going to be staying while you're in the U.S.? You sold your house, right?

After finding out about the little bambino, Josh and I both had pretty strong feelings about our house. We decided to take it off the market, and keep it indefinitely. Though it was a tough decision, we're excited to have a home to return to in North Carolina both this fall and in 2017 when we're back permanently. I'm so incredibly grateful for an understanding realtor, the fabulous Nicole Rafferty, who assured me I was not a crazy person when I asked her to take down our listing after one week on the market.

How far along are you? When are you due?

As of today, we have officially hit the 18 week mark. I know everyone says it, but it's true... the weeks are flying by!! Baby's due date is November 20th, so mommy is just hoping he or she decides not to arrive on Thanksgiving so that we can enjoy a delicious home cooked Turkey Day dinner.

Do you know what you're having?

Well - we're about 99% sure it's a human baby, but we don't know whether it's a little mister or miss. And........ WE'RE NOT FINDING OUT!!! My doctor said it perfectly that we're Christmas Day kinda people... we don't like to open our presents a week before or even the night before, and we're looking forward to the best surprise ever. Place your bets now :)

Thanks to all of our family and friends for your help and support during our move and your sincere well wishes for our growing family... we surely don't know what we would do without you!