one year

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One whole year. That's how long it's been since we found out you'd be joining us. But you had started growing weeks before - seven weeks to be exact. I took the test while your dad was at work, just knowing it would be another negative I could toss in the trash. I couldn't be pregnant. Not now. Not after we'd put our plans to start a family on hold while we prepared to move abroad. Not after nearly a year of trying - complete with charts and vitamins and diligently working to be in the best physical shape possible. Not after all those months that ended in disappointment. We'd put our house on the market and found an apartment in Germany. We were ready to leave the U.S. - no strings attached - for two years.

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We'd just returned from Europe a few days before. I couldn't fathom the thought (or smell) of the Neuhaus chocolates we'd brought back from Belgium. I was exhausted and nauseous and an emotional basket case. Your dad joked that I was probably pregnant, but I was convinced it was just jet lag. But there I stood, on the cold tile floor in our bathroom on a Monday afternoon, staring down at a stick that revealed a dark blue vertical line. There was no doubt. My heart raced, and I looked in the mirror at someone I didn't recognize - in an instant, I had become a mother. No one can prepare you for that feeling. I went downstairs and sat on the couch for over an hour, but I couldn't even come up with some creative way to share the news. Your dad came in the door, and I just blurted it out. We were shocked, nervous, and so very excited.

One year ago, while you were growing inside of me (and wreaking havoc on my appetite), I could never have imagined what it would be like to have you here. You were worth it all: The waiting and wanting. The weeks of surviving mostly on ginger ale and clementines. The discomforts of pregnancy and the pain and chaos of bringing you into this world. The (still ongoing) sleepless nights and long days fueled by coffee. Every bit of it. Times a million.

One whole year. That's how long it's been since I discovered you existed, but I feel like I've loved you forever. It's hard to remember what life was like before your gummy smile and big blue eyes. You are one great big bundle of sunshine.

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Sweet boy - you are more than I ever knew I wanted, and I am eternally grateful and beyond humbled to be your mama. 

xoxoxoxo... 

nursery tour

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As most anyone reading this probably knows, we didn't find out Baby G's gender until he was born. Because of this, deciding how to decorate a nursery was a bit of a challenge. Neutrals are great, but being someone who loves color and lots of it, I knew an all white and gray nursery wasn't for me. I decided to decorate the nursery in black, white, and grey with lots of patterns and textures and throw in the whole color wheel to brighten things up.

I'm a big fan of having a few splurge items in a room, combined with items collected from sales, thrift stores, my beloved Target, or even repurposed from other places in the home. My splurge pieces in the nursery were the crib, this Pottery Barn Kids rug, and the glider from West Elm, which is one of my favorite purchases. The high back and sides make it incredibly comfortable, which was so important in those early weeks when we were figuring out nursing, doing lots of snuggling, and waking up multiple times a night.

I'm absolutely obsessed with this sweet little lamb playmat that my mom and grandmother made, and you can buy one just like it here! It's the perfect place for tummy time and can double as a rug when he outgrows it :)

This "You are my sunshine" print is one of those repurposed items I was talking about... it hung in our master bedroom for years, but when we upgraded to our bedframe, it no longer fit above the bed. 

This sock monkey was made by my mom per my special request. I think he's just the perfect pal for Miles.

Etsy's one of my favorite places to find decor. The fan pull and the watercolor prints above the bookcase were Etsy finds. My mom and I found the bookcase, which was actually a 1950's china cabinet, at an antique store here in High Point. The maternity photo displayed below was taken by my friend Faith Teasley on my trip to the beach back in September, and I found frames for it and all of the other prints in the room at Hobby Lobby, all for 50% off.

The hanging basket on the wall is an awesome place for diapers and burp cloths and saves real estate on the dresser. For the same reason, I decided to mount a wall sconce instead of placing a lamp on the bookcase or dresser. The changing tray below was made by my dad, and the dresser was a High Point Furniture Market sample that I found at a dirt cheap price after the fall market. I simply replaced the top two knobs with this super cute puppy and kitty from Anthropologie to add a little more whimsy.

18. black and white quilt from Land of Nod, 19. throw pillows from Target, Kate Spade for Bed, Bath & Beyond, Pier 1, and Southern Antiques in Laurel, MS

18. black and white quilt from Land of Nod, 19. throw pillows from Target, Kate Spade for Bed, Bath & Beyond, Pier 1, and Southern Antiques in Laurel, MS

This old iron bed was already in the room before it became a nursery, so I decided to keep it as an extra place for guests. I updated it with this quilt from Land of Nod and added a hodge podge of throw pillows for color and pattern. The wall decor above the bed is made up of photos of Miles's parents, grandparents, and great grandparents as children - I had this idea before I was even pregnant and knew that I wanted to incorporate our family history into our child's room.

we survived the first 6 weeks!

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We did it! We survived six whole weeks of keeping a tiny human alive. We survived visitors and Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's. We've made it through growth spurts and round-the-clock feedings. We've laughed our way through the worst of diaper changes. And by some small miracle, I've managed to get a shower every. single. day. #winning

Maybe it seems a little crazy coming from someone still stuck in the thick of the exhausting newborn days, but being a mom really is the best. Cliche as it may be, you just don't know how you could possibly love someone so achingly and incredibly much... until you do. The love and pride I have for little Miles is unlike any other feeling, and nothing compares to having him look right at you with eyes of pure adoration. Most days, I don't worry about the lack of sleep or that my house is a mess, but that there's no way I can possibly soak up enough of his baby-ness in my memory to last me a lifetime. (Also note that this is why people have second kids even after going through pregnancy and labor - turns out babies are cute and addictive little creatures.)

He really does change every day. He literally outgrew his newborn outfits overnight (cue the tears!), loves the stroller and car rides, smiles at mommy and daddy talking to him, loves looking at the artwork on our walls that have a lot of contrast, and makes the funniest faces both awake and asleep. As of his one month well baby visit, he's still under the 35th percentile for height and weight, but his head circumference is in the 75th percentile! That has to be a sign of higher intelligence :)

Here are some photos that I took around his one month birthday:

Josh actually gets the photo credit for this one. Look at that sweet little milk-drunk smile :)

Josh actually gets the photo credit for this one. Look at that sweet little milk-drunk smile :)

This little guy LOVES his changing table. He's almost always calm when he's laying there after getting a fresh diaper.

This little guy LOVES his changing table. He's almost always calm when he's laying there after getting a fresh diaper.

We love you SO much, little man! Can't wait for all the fun that the next six weeks with you holds!